How not to sail

Over the years I have always loved sailing. We would go with friends on their boats and enjoy the quiet, the sea smells, the lack of stress. Sailing is great if you have no place to go. The trip is the goal, not the destination.

Now I know many of you sailers out there disagree. They use a sailboat to get somewhere, they control it, they understand it. Not me. I want to just go out there somewhere. I would have liked to learn how to control and understand it. It never happened. And after buying my first boat, that is exactly what I did or didn't do. First, I didn't get anywhere and sometimes it was fun. Sometimes is was exasperating. And sometimes it was necessary. For you see, you DO have to get back; and that is a destination.

I learned many things that 3 years I owned the boat. It was a used 1987 19 foot O'Day daysailer. Beautiful yellow and orange striped sails, centerboard, tiller, cuddy cabin. Now the cuddy cabin could be described as a closet. I only went down in it to retrieve things, like bug spray, life jackets, stuff, you know.

What did I learn or should I say NOT learn?

I know how to sail sideways-you forget to put the centerboard down.

I know how to sail backwards-you have the sails too tight and the wind coming right at you and lo and behold the boat goes backwards. Go figure.

I know how to flip a boat. I didn't flip this one, it is impossible I've been told. Yeah right, like airplanes can stay up in the air. But then I digress to another fear I have.

I know how to sail in circles. You just keep turning left, er port side. Or right, ahhh starboard. But, it gets rather boring when your circle is about 30 feet in diameter.

I know how to watch that piece of gauge that shows how much you are listing, or tilting, to one side. I kept it to within 5 degrees. Plenty listing for me. Plus, I was too busy watching that gauge that I forgot all about the "tell tails", and adjusting the sails; and the tiller.... So many things, so few eyes and hands and prayers.

Supposedly there is this technique called tacking. You use the wind to zigzag to get to a destination that you can't get to because of the wind, or something like that. I tried tacking a few times. The goal is to move forward. I just moved back and forth on the same path, back and forth, no forward motion. I think there is more to it than that, but I never figured it out.

Oh, I also know how to catch commercial crab pots-not on purpose mind you. My husband and I were sailing one day, actually moving in a positive direction, when the black crab pot in front of me never reappeared behind me and the boat sort of wasn't going very fast. I finally saw the pot dragging behind the boat, realizing that it was stuck on the centerboard. We somehow managed to grab and cut the rope retrieving the pot marker and the pot and dragged them on board. Afraid of being shot at we quickly ventured home using the 10 hp motor on high speed-ok, ok we cheated a little. Arriving home we released the jimmy crab used as bait inside the pot. What do you do with one crab. Then feeling guilty we decided that the right thing to do was to return the pot. Not wanting to leave it empty and only having a frozen fish head for bait we restocked the pot, tied the rope back together with some sort of amateur knot, (I hadn't gotten to the knot chapter in the 'Sailing for Dummies' book)and returned the pot to the general area we thought we hooked it. You know I would have loved to have seen the crabber's face when he retrieved his pot.

Well, three years later, after sailing in 20 knot winds a few times, white caps all around, not another idiot out there, crashing into shore a time or two, it hit me that this is not fun anymore. To those of you who continue to love it, and are good at it, I envy you, I admire you, and I toast you. From shore of course.

How not to sell your car

We've had several cars, most of them we've bought used, and then sold really used. You can get more money selling yourself, but what a hassle. Or, what an experience. Rose colored glasses and all that.

We had a real clunker, a tiny red Datsun sitting in front of our house. FOR SALE, $550. Reverse Gestalt. The sum of its parts were more than the whole. A gentleman knocked on my door, his son in tow. He was interested in the car. He knew his wife would just love this car! It was perfect for her! She will be so surprised! Surprised wasn't the word that came to my mind. It probably had a list of 150 things wrong with it. But, one mans trash....... Could he take it for a test drive? Sure, I said, handing him the keys, hoping he'd just steal it. It smoked so much that when you stopped at a traffic light other people would open their car doors to see what was wrong with their car.

He left and several hours went by....did it break down......hoping against hope, did he actually make off with my car? But, I looked outside at the car he left behind-a huge Cadillac with a ladder strapped on top. He was a handyman who worked in our area. Heck, now I have a Cadillac....with a ladder. The ladder was probably worth more than that Datsun.

Knock, knock. He's back with his son and several fast food meals in hand, proceeding to tell me all of things that were wrong with it noticing many of them but leaving out the 95 others. My heart sank. Then, "Would you take $500. My wife is gonna love this car". Deal.

I never saw him again. But, I did see the car about 3 weeks later, parked at the fast food place....with a ladder strapped to the top. I guess his wife wasn't that crazy about the car. Go figure.

How not to be an expert

Just about everybody writes about what they know, what they are good at, what they are successful at. I have turned it over and over in my mind. I finally came to the conclusion that I don't think I'm an expert at anything. What do I know more about than most people know? What would others want to read about that I can teach them? What do I want to learn? Who cares?

Then it hit me. I'm an expert at how not to do many things. I know how not to bake bread, complete a project, study for an exam, be a good parent, start a project, arrange furniture, sell a used car, sail a boat. I think I was better than average at my profession as a special education teacher, but not an expert; and let me tell you; I know how not to teach children with disabilities, challenges, or as I'd rather say, "missed abilities".

I hear ya! "Get on with it lady! Give me a reason to read on. Just what are you trying to say?"

Ok, ok, ok. I hear ya! Keeping them short and sweet, next post, "How not to sell your car!"

How not to blog

Well here I go. A friend made the suggestion that I blog. Maybe he doesn't know what he is talking about. Maybe he isn't really a friend. Or, maybe he has changed my life or at least my outlook on life, forever. For whatever reason, I'm plunging, head first, not looking back, no regrets.

I'm 60 years old, a mother, wife, grandmother, sister, friend, retired, volunteer.... well I could go on and on. I think those are the most important and depending on the day, probably not in that order. Tomorrow I may have another list. Who knows, maybe marine biologist. I've always wanted to pretend I was a marine biologist. Ok, ok, I know; I stole that line.

Right now I really don't know what I am doing. I want to keep up with technology but I feel it is leapfrogging past me. My biggest fear is posting this and then never being able to find it again. Plan. Plan? I guess I should have a plan. Ok, my plan is two part. Be able to find my blog and add to it at least once a week.

Here goes the plunge part. I'm going to hit the "publish post" button. No looking back, no regrets......